


Punish Me

by GlitterSkullFairy



Series: Unexpected Satanists [2]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Branding, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dan is broken, Eventual Douchifer, F/M, Feelings, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, I got Douchifer in my Deckerstar, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Like-a lot, Lucifer can help, M/M, Masochism, Oral Sex, Pain, Poor Dan Espinoza, Post-Lucifer (TV) Season/Series 04, Punishment, Sex with Clothes On, This is going to get dark okay?, Torture, Voyeurism, Whump, manual sex, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-06-12 03:36:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19558846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterSkullFairy/pseuds/GlitterSkullFairy
Summary: Dan has recently discovered that It's All True.And he has this crazy idea that now Lucifer is back, he might be able to help him get over all the terrible things he's thinking and doing lately.  He is the Devil, after all.Lucifer is trying very hard to move on.  But something about what Dan wants still calls to him.





	1. Don't Thank Me Just Yet

**Author's Note:**

> BIG TRIGGER WARNING: This is a story about hurt and punishment. There will be violence. There will be themes which will reflect self-harm, even though it's someone else doing the harm.  
> It is not my intention to glorify pain or violence, though there will be times when I describe painful and violent acts in positive terms. This is probably going to get messy. It's probably going to channel some of my own past internal struggles. There will definately be explicit masochism, longing for pain, and finding release in pain. If this is not for you, please go read some nice fluff instead.  
> There will be some comfort in it, some nice aftercare, and hopefully a build up towards recreating my OT3. But it might be a longer journey than last time.
> 
> Still here? Awesome.  
> Just to explain the context for this- I'm working on another fic for the Deckerstar Big Bang project which will be prequel to this one and do the entire story of how Lucifer ends up back here after season 4. But that's not going to be posted until September for the Big Bang event. And I didn't want to wait. This won't be spoiler-y for that, but it might leave you with a few questions which I will answer later. The prequel is already half-written, it's pretty epic by my standards (I have been writing ACTUAL PLOT!) so I already have what's happened in between sorted in my head. Hopefully that means I can keep this making sense until then.  
> And I did promise you some more Douchifer. This is just a rather different flavour of Douchifer.

Dan staggered out of the elevator, somehow managing not to spill any of his beer- possibly because it was mostly empty. He pointed straight at Lucifer where he sat, in nothing but a robe, at the piano.

"You. I need you."

"I'm afraid you've missed your window of opportunity, Daniel," he replied, continuing to play. "I'm finding the Detective to be more than enough for me at present, and I don't believe either of us are willing to share."

Dan's gaze went blank in a moment of confusion and then he shook his head. "No! Not for sex, ew!"

"What then? You want to ask me a string of annoying questions about Hell and Heaven and my family? Where your great grandad ended up and whether you should be tithing before or after tax deductions?"

"What?"

"Or maybe you want me to ask the questions? Do my little trick to find out what it is you truly desire?"

"I already know what I desire. I want you to punish me."

Silence. One hand reached for his whisky, the other for a cigarette from the ashtray, its smoke spiralling up into the amber haze. "You've come to the wrong place then. I'm retired from that line of business. Or hadn't you heard?"

"You're the Devil. For real."

"Yes. That's been clearly established between us, I believe. But I left Hell for a reason, and it wasn't just so I could spend all my free time boning your ex-wife."

Dan inhaled sharply, and then a smile spread over his face. "That's good. Not exactly what I had in mind, but a good start."

Lucifer turned and stood to get a better look at him. "You're drunk."

"Oh, I'm way past drunk. But I needed the kick start to get me up here. Because I'm not strong enough to admit what I want when I'm sober."

"And what is it you want, Detective Douche?"

"I want you to hurt me. I want to pay. I've done so many dumb things- not just dumb, but illegal and immoral and just plain bad. I can't live like this. I need you to do your thing, to punish me, so I can move on and try to be better."

Lucifer swallowed, torn. He could sense a very real desire, a longing that he knew exactly how to fulfil. It drew him, intrigued him. More than that- it was an instinctual pull on his very nature. And it was strong. Daniel yearned for this from the very depths of his soul, and Lucifer, the Morningstar, yearned to help him fulfil it.

But at the same time he felt his like his insides had turned into stone. He had escaped, he had left the torture behind. He thought it was over and it would never be required of him again. Was he forever destined to be the punisher, the evil one? Would torment continue to follow in his wake no matter how hard he tried to leave it behind? 

"You don't know what you're asking."

"I'm begging you Lucifer. If anyone else did it, it would just be pain, but you- you can make it mean something."

"What makes you think I'd even want to?"

"Isn't that what you do?"

"Hurt people?"

"Yes," he said, then abruptly regretted it at the look of strain on Lucifer's face. "I mean, not because you're a sadist or anything, but you know how. It’s like, part of your skill set. And I could trust you to do it just right."

"How do you know I wouldn't get carried away and go too far? Especially now you're a Douche again."

"Because you won't. You're not who I thought you were. And because of Chloe."

"Ah, yes, Chloe. What do you think she'd have to say about all this?"

"I doubt she'd approve. But I had to ask anyway."

"I won't do it behind her back. You have no idea how hard it's been getting her to trust me, I'm not going to ruin that by making you my punching bag."

"So, if I got her to agree to this, would you consider it?"

"I honestly don't know," he sighed. "It raises a great many questions I'm not certain that I'm ready to answer."

"I don't need the answer now. If you need to think about it. I just had to get it out there."

"And there it is, sitting like a great big elephant in the middle of the room." He went to the bar to refill his drink and knocked it back, while Dan finished off his beer. "Did you have any particular kind of punishment in mind?"

"Is this a conversation we have to have now?"

"Yes, Daniel. You're asking me to resurrect parts of myself that I thought buried. You're asking me to be the monster that everyone paints me to be, to live up to the legend. But I'm trying to be more than that. I'm trying to move on, and this could set me back more than a few steps. So yes, I need to know exactly what you want me to do, how far you want me to go, so that I can contemplate whether or not it's likely to send me off the deep end."

"Right. Um. I guess I hadn't thought that far."

Lucifer grabbed a second glass, half-filled it and held it out. "Don't give me that. You've thought about it long and hard; you've contemplated it with hope and anticipation; you've fantasised about it while you drifted off to sleep. You're conflicted and ashamed, but you know what you want. Sit. Drink. Speak."

Dan sat. He took a long a large swig. "Not whips and chains and stuff. I don't want it to be some kind of fetish thing where you spank me. I want it to hurt, like really hurt."

"Sharp or blunt? Hot or cold? Do you want me to leave marks? Scars?”

The barrage of questions sent shivers down his spine. It took him a moment to answer. “Scars… yes. To remind me. So I’ll always know it’s been paid. To remind me the price if I’m ever tempted again.”

“Where?” His hand gestured up and down Dan’s body.

“Somewhere I can keep hidden when I need to. But somewhere I can see it.” He kept his eyes fixed on a glass bottle in front of him, watching the way of refracted the light. His left hand lifted up to his ribcage, vaguely hovering somewhere to the right of his heart.

“Why not just get a tattoo? It hurts, it leaves a mark, wouldn’t that be enough?”

"It's not the same. Besides, I know it will be so much better coming from you."

"Do you want to be humiliated, or is just the physical sensation you’re after?"

He took another gulp. “I don’t want to be a grovelling maggot, but I do want to know that I’m being punished for real. I want to be told that what I’ve done is wrong, but not made to feel worthless.”

“How do you mean?”

“Like, ‘you’ve done a bad thing,’ not ‘you’re a bad person.’ Keep actions separate from identity.”

“There’s a distinction?”

“Of course there’s a distinction. Basic parenting rules.” He looked up to see Lucifer staring at him strangely. “Is that why you’re undecided? You think if you do this thing, it will make you a bad person?”

“Are you telling me it won’t?”

It was as if the facade had finally cracked, and Dan could see just how damaged and confused the Devil really was. “Of course it won’t. Lucifer, if you do this, you won’t be doing it to hurt me, you’ll be doing to help me. To heal me. Something inside me is broken, infected, and I need to stop it, to pull it out before it takes me over.”

“You make it sound like some kind of vile exorcism.”

“No, not that either. It’s just me, my choices. I choose this, as my penance, with my own free will. And you have the freedom to choose whether or not you agree to do it.”

Lucifer breathed a heavy sigh. “How long would you want it to last? Shall I draw out your torment for a night and a day, or would you rather have it over quickly?”

“I don’t think it has to be that long at all. I mean, if it’s enough to leave a scar, I guess that will keep hurting even afterwards, right?”

“Depends on what kind of tools I use. A sharp blade can leave a mark and sting for a short while- a heavy punch can hurt for hours but leave nothing to show for it.” He paused as he heard Dan’s breath change, a ragged inhalation that, in spite of his earlier protest, was almost sexual in its hunger. He let his voice drop into a soft, seductive timbre. “A good cut can leave a nice scar and you’ll feel it for a few days while it heals. There are several ways I could burn you with similar results.” Dan closed his eyes and a shiver shot through him. “Well I’ll be damned. It’s a shame, really, I can see what a beautiful sub you would have made. Let me talk to the Detective, you’ll only mess things up. I at least, have some chance of helping her see it for what it is.”

“Does that mean you’ll think about it?”

“I can’t promise you anything at this stage, but I’ll make enquiries. I suppose I should also run it past Doctor Linda, but somehow I can’t see her objecting too much. She has enough kinks of her own.”

“It’s not a kink.”

“Perhaps, perhaps not. But it's an unusual desire nonetheless. I understand more than you think."

“I’m not sure I fully understand it myself. I just know that I need it.”

“Do you think once will be enough?”

“I fucking hope so, man.” He knocked back the rest of his drink and stood to leave. “I’m sorry, this is crazy shit and I shouldn’t have asked.”

"Daniel, wait."

He stopped, turned back. "I feel like I'm going mad. Like I'm gonna completely lose control."

"Been there. Done that. Ended up back in Hell."

"Which is exactly where I'm gonna end up if I don't get a handle on this thing."

"I wish I could tell you that you were wrong about that, but…"

"But you don't lie."

"Indeed."

"... Shit."

A quiet pause, heavy with what went unsaid. "Stay."

"Why?"

"Because I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone at this moment."

"You think I'm going to hurt myself?"

"I think you're more likely to pick on someone much tougher than you, in the hope of getting into a drunken fight, and you'll end up either in hospital or a jail cell. I can sense your desires. I can see how badly you need this, but if I do it myself at least I'll know it's done properly and you won't be getting yourself into trouble."

Dan walked back to the sofa and fell into it. "You are considering it," he sighed in relief. 

"More so each moment. But I won't touch you until you're sober."

"Thank you."

"Don't thank me just yet."

"Where is Chloe anyway?"

"At home with your spawn."

"Why aren't you with them?"

"Much as I wish to monopolise her completely, they need their own time too."

"Did she say that?"

"Not exactly. I inferred it."

"And now you're sat up here moping about and feeling sorry for yourself."

"I was rather enjoying myself until you got here."

"You were playing Radiohead."

"All right, I was moping. I'm still adjusting. Hell was living up to its reputation rather more than usual this time."

Dan stared, but this time it wasn't blank but strangely intent. "Want to talk about it?"

Lucifer scoffed. "Why would you want to do that?"

"Because technically, Linda's still on maternity leave. And clearly you have a thing going on."

"Another time perhaps. When you're less inebriated."

Dan's head flopped back. "Good call." As he closed his eyes, he heard movement and then the music resumed. He felt himself drifting and then chuckled. "The Devil is playing me a lullaby."

Lucifer didn't answer. He was too busy trying to think of how he would explain this to Chloe. Because he was feeling tempted, and he had enough self awareness to know where that was likely to lead. He watched the tension leave Dan's face as sleep quickly took him, and felt a surge of envy. His own sleep was hard to come by, and when it did, there were awful dreams and he kept waking up restless. A few times he'd shifted forms in his sleep, and woken in Chloe's arms as she soothed him, her hands on his pitted chest, stroking his face and his hideous wings. And he'd wept until he changed back, and never once had she let go.

Which was why he had decided to spend tonight alone. To give her a break, to himself a break, so he could just wallow in the feeling without guilt. And then bloody Daniel turns up.

And asks for _that_ of all things.

And Lucifer realised he didn't want to say no.


	2. Please tell me you're not thinking about a threesome.

"Detective, there's something I need to ask you."

She looked up from the file on her desk, her smile dropping at the seriousness of his expression. "Shall we go somewhere a bit more private?"

"I think that would be best." It was telling that he didn't make any kind of suggestive remark in reply. She was getting increasingly worried about him. At first, she hadn't thought beyond getting him back, and their reunion had been everything she'd hoped for, but since then he'd been starting to crack at the seams. Being back in Hell had affected him, and most people didn't notice it, but she'd witnessed the nightmares. Some kind of PTSD. He wasn't as volatile as he'd been with Eve; he was handling work and their new relationship beautifully. By day (and let's be honest, a significant portion of the night) he was brimming with Luciferness and passion. But somewhere, usually after about two thirty in the morning, it caught up with him. And there was nothing she could do to make it better.

She walked him to the interrogation room and shut the door. "Tell me what's on your mind."

"I need you to listen without judging. What I'm about to ask may sound… unusual, or disturbing, but I need you to let me explain fully before you rush to any conclusions."

"Okay. Fair request considering our track record. Shoot."

"It's Daniel." He paused, still unsure how best to phrase it. "He's asked me to do something for him. And I didn't feel it was right to agree to it without talking to you first."

"You make it sound like he wants to take you out on a date." She frowned. "Or have a threesome. Please tell me you're not thinking about a threesome."

He sighed. "Usually, I'm always thinking about a threesome, but in this case it's rather more delicate. Daniel wants…" he sighed. He just had to come out and say it. "He wants me to punish him. Physically."

Her head bobbed as it always did when she was thinking about something she'd rather not be. "You mean, like, torture?"

His mouth worked around a few words, discarding them as dishonest, and finally settled on a simple affirmative. "Yes."

She took a breath and paced the small room, her arms folded tight across her body. Being in love with the Devil was never going to be easy, but torturing the father of her child was not the kind of bump in the road she had expected. _Punishing._ Was that any different? She looked up into the mirror, seeing Lucifer reflected behind her. _Listen without judging._ Easier said than done. But she loved him, and he was what he was, and she couldn't just pick out the parts she liked and drop the rest. She had to deal with all his Luciferness. And this was about as Lucifer-ish as it gets. 

"Why ask me?"

"Because of us. And because he's your ex, and that complicates matters. Mostly because I value your opinion, because I think I want to say yes and I need your help to know what to do."

"Lucifer, I know you and Dan have had your differences, but to want to hurt him… Do you really hate him that much?"

"No, it's not like that. I mean, yes, the man is a complete douche but that's not why it's tempting me. I know desire, Detective. This is something he wants more than anything, I can sense it coming off him in waves. It's very distracting."

She dragged a chair around to the side of the table and sat in it. She didn't want it to feel like either of them were being questioned. He sat in his usual space. "Why you?"

"Because of who I am. Or least, who I was. I'm probably the most qualified person for the job. Maze coming a close second."

"And how do you feel about it?"

"Conflicted. Because I want to move on. I want to leave Hell and everything associated with it behind me. But it's not as simple as that. He has guilt. He also has a very strong desire, and granting desires is something I do even better than punishing the guilty."

She pressed her fingertips to her temple. "I can't say I'm completely comfortable with the idea. But I also know what he's been like lately. I'm pretty sure he had sex with Ella. And there's other stuff he won't tell me, but he's shiftier than he was about Palmetto." She blew out a deep breath. "I can't believe he asked you this."

"He was very drunk."

"Figures."

"But Detective, the thing that worries me most, is that if I say no, he'll find another way, and that could lead him into a lot of trouble."

"That, I find much easier to believe. But you shouldn't feel obliged to do something that's going to harm you." 

"You mean harm him."

"No, I mean you. I know we don't talk about it, but Hell is still affecting you. This kind of thing could be a major trigger for you. What if you freak out while you're doing… whatever he wants you to do?"

"I don't freak out. Any feelings I have, I can keep under wraps until the job's done."

"And then you freak out even more after he's gone. Mm-mm," she shook her head. "You need safe words. You both do."

"It's not a BDSM thing, Detective."

"No, but you are both putting yourselves in a vulnerable position. And… fuck. It's going to be intimate. Not sexy intimate, but still. And you're both going to need looking after when it's done."

"Am I right in thinking that you're agreeing to this?"

"Possibly. Theoretically."

"Why?"

"Because I always knew if we ever got together it was going to be an unusual relationship. And after everything that's happened, this doesn't feel half as weird as it would have done a year ago. To say I've been through a huge period of adjustment is abusing understatement. I'm in love with someone immortal, and not only that, but someone who has seen worse things than I can possibly imagine. And to try and force everything that you are into my tiny, human sense of morality seems not only unfair but impossible. So I'm going to have to trust you to decide what is right and wrong from your own perspective. Look, Lucifer, I may not have your powers but I know you, and I know you wouldn't have asked for this unless it was important. I think you came to me because a part of you knows that this is right for you. And maybe even right for Dan too."

He sat there, looking at her, his head tilted a little to one side. "You really are a miracle, aren't you?" he said at last.

She scoffed at that, with a roll of her eyes. "I'm not saying I'm completely comfortable with the idea. But I can live with that. Do you really think it could help him?"

"I think it might. He needs something to mark what he's going through."

"And do you think it will help you? Maybe get some kind of closure?"

"I thought I had that when I shut the Gates behind me. But the dreams keep coming back. I need to know if I really am still that monster. If I can be that, and still be a better man."

"I'm going to say yes, but I want to be nearby when it happens. Not to watch," she added hastily, "I don't think I could cope with that. But nearby, so if anything goes wrong, you can call me and I'll be right there. And so I can make sure you're both okay, after."

He breathed a sigh, a relief he wasn't expecting washing over him. "I better go tell Daniel the good news." 

Dan was hiding at his desk under the stairs. His head was still aching but he only had himself to blame. He had woken up on Lucifer's couch, with two bottles on the table beside him- one of water and the other of aspirin. He helped himself to both. Lucifer had come in, looking decidedly too perky, and insisted that Dan was still in no fit state to drive, so he would take them both into work. Dan had accepted, partly because he was right, but also because it felt nice to have someone else take charge for a bit. It was a quiet journey. Neither of them mentioned the conversation from the night before. He was glad. With any luck Lucifer would just keep pretending it never happened. 

"She said yes."

Dan looked up, to see Lucifer standing over him as if summoned by the thought. Tall and pristine and elegant. No trace of the monstrosity that Dan knew must lurk underneath. The one he wanted to make him pay. _Oh God!_ The hunger wrenched in his gut, a wave of longing and nausea. He should be saying something. "Yes?"

"You do remember why you came to me last night? What you asked?"

"I… um… Maybe that wasn't such a good idea. I mean, we shouldn't jump right into it."

Lucifer regarded him with dark eyes that plunged the depths of his soul. They saw straight through the lie. "I can still feel it, you know. Your desire is strong and pure. I've spoken to the Detective, and she's agreed, with certain provisions. I may think of a few of my own. We can discuss it further after work, but if we can all agree on terms, you'll get your wish."

Dan found himself struggling to breath, to even think of a reply. "What… when?" he managed. 

"Tomorrow. Evening. It gives you the weekend to recover."

Dan licked his lips. "I'm going to need time to recover?" 

Lucifer took a step closer. He spoke softly, like it was a secret. Which it was. "Isn't that what you want?"

"Yes!" It came out as a gasp. 

Long legs folded in the middle, the Devil lowered himself so they were face to face. He put one hand in the back of Dan's chair, the other on the desk, hemming him in. "You want me to leave you sore. You want me to leave you scarred. I can do that."

Dan nodded, his breath shallow with want. He knew Lucifer was taunting him, tormenting him. He knew that if anyone was looking at them, they would probably mistake it for flirtation. He didn't care. It felt good. 

"I have been considering what kind of tool to use. I know a man with an interest in blacksmithing. I thought I might call in a favour. Get him to fashion me a branding iron. Would that suit you?"

His stomach flipped over again, And his skin grew hot. "Yes. Please."

“Talk to me before you go home. We’ll set up some rules.”

“Yes.” 

"You're very agreeable this afternoon, Detective Douche. I do hope it continues." He straightened and walked away.

_Fuck. This is really happening._


	3. I Did Bad Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the ouchy chapter. Feel free to skip it and wait for the aftercare if that's not your bag.
> 
> WARNING: DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME! Seriously. Please don't.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: Pain. Branding. Torture. Angst. Here be dragons. (And not the fluffy glitter pants variety- thanks for betaing darling! You are lovely. These ones bite.)

Lucifer waited on the balcony and stoked the fire. It burned with coal tonight, extra hot. Not as hot as Hell, but it would be enough. 

The blacksmith hadn't asked any questions, just dropped everything else to make the tool to Lucifer's specifications. A simple design, about an inch tall, resembling the outline of a small flame. He was very pleased with the craftsmanship- smooth and well-finished, curved below with a pointed tip. The handle was long enough to remain cool while the business end glowed. He wouldn't put it in the flames until Dan arrived; he didn't want it to overheat.

An ornately carved chair was set nearby, with leather straps hanging from the armrests, and a smaller strap draped over the back.

Chloe was downstairs. She was adamant she didn't want to know the details unless it became necessary, including what he was planning to do. Which was just as well. Lucifer had promised her it wasn't a sex thing. It wasn't even sex adjacent. Originally she had suggested waiting in another room of the penthouse, but after he pointed out that she might hear things, she had decided a bit further might be better. It also put her out of range, preventing from Lucifer getting hurt by accident. 

At last the elevator opened, and he placed the iron on the fire.

Dan walked quickly across the room towards him, and then stopped abruptly at the glass door.

He breathed heavily. "Hi."

"Hello."

"I thought maybe you were kidding about the branding iron."

"Too much?"

Dan stared at the flames. "No. No, I don't think so."

"Let's go over the rules one more time. Safe words."

"Can we just stick with green, amber, red?"

Lucifer nodded. "I'll use the same. If this starts to feel wrong for me, I reserve the right to stop."

"Absolutely." Dan agreed, although he wasn’t entirely clear what could possibly feel wrong for Lucifer in this situation.

"You can swear as much as you like, but don't bring my Dad into it, or for that matter, any of my family. And whatever you do, do not start begging for mercy. If you want to stop, you just say stop, or use the safe word. I'm not up for roleplay. Do not, under any circumstances, start saying _please._ " 

"Whatever makes this work." His eyes drifted to the chair. "That's for me, I guess."

"Yes. I wasn’t going to tie you up, but the restraints are for you to hold onto if you need them. The one on the back is there in case you want to bite down on something. I know you want this, but your body will still react. Having something to brace against once the pain starts should help.”

Dan licked his lips and breathed. 

“Have you drunk anything?”

“No. You told me not to.”

“Alcohol thins the blood. Also it can dull the pain, and we wouldn’t want that, now, would we?”

He shook his head. “I want to feel this. That’s the point, right?”

Lucifer pulled the brand from the fire to examine it. Evidently it wasn’t hot enough, as he put it back. “Shirt off,” he instructed, without a hint of lewdness. Dan complied, pulling it off over his head, and rolled it into a ball. He wasn’t at all sure what to do with it next. He couldn’t exactly drop it on the floor. Lucifer extended an arm to take it from him, and he held it out in offering.

“You’re shaking,” Lucifer said as he took it, and set it down on the table to one side. “Are you afraid?”

“I’m feeling a lot of things, all very strong and very confusing. Fear might be in there. Relief. Excitement, a little. Embarrassed, a lot. I’m just a huge raging ball of adrenaline right now.”

“You don’t need to fear me, Daniel.”

“It’s not you that scares me.” _It’s the thought of what I might become._ He took his seat, trying not to think too hard about that part. “So, um… can you talk me through what’s about to happen?”

“When the iron is hot enough, I’m going to press it onto your skin. Just for a few seconds. It will burn through the layers of your epidermis and dermis, deep enough to scar. Then I put it back in the fire to reheat. I had it made to look like a flame. We can do as many or as few of them as you desire. But I will stop if I think it’s going too far, if I think your body has had enough.”

“So, the whole thing’s going to look like a fire?”

“Of a sort. I thought it appropriate, what with the whole Devil and Hell theme. Plus it’s a bit more artistic than just a few random burns.”

“I like it. It’ll remind me of where I’m heading if I lapse again.”

“Lapse? Interesting choice of words. You forget I’ve had plenty of time to catch up with Perry Smith and Malcom Graham."

"Perry Smith was Maze's idea."

Lucifer turned on him slowly. "Are you seriously about to tell _me_ that a demon made you do it?"

He swallowed. "Right. My choice. I did bad things. That's why I'm here."

"You let yourself be led into things you knew were wrong. You went against the principles that you made a vow to uphold. 'To protect and serve.' Now remind me, is that meant to be about yourself, your own interests, or everyone?"

"Everyone."

"Even those you suspect have done wrong?"

"Yes."

"So where does pairing up with a demon to get around all the inconvenient procedures and give you a chance to get into a real fight fit in?"

"I-"

He leaned onto the arms of the chair, his face close and threatening. "Come now, you think she can keep secrets from me? When I want to know? I was her King. I ruled over all of her kind, and a million souls whose crimes make yours pale to insignificance. You have no idea the power you have called upon to purge your guilt." His eyes began to glow, brighter with each word. "I am the Devil. I've watched you, I know the things you've done, the way you work. You don't like to get blood on your hands, but you will happily sit back and let someone else do the dirty work for you. You think it keeps your conscience clear, but I have seen the guilt in your eyes. You tried to get me killed."

"I didn't… I didn't know it would go that far. I didn't know it was him…"

"Excuses! You knew you were doing wrong, but you did it anyway, just like all the rest. Tell me honestly, if your daughter hadn't been here, would you still feel guilty? Could you live with the death of your ultimate grandmother?"

"Lucifer-"

"Do you fear me now?"

"Yes!"

"Good!" He turned quickly and in one graceful movement took the iron from the fire and pressed it to Dan's chest. There was a hiss and the smell of burning flesh but most of all there was pain. Searing and sudden, it hurt more than he had imagined, and it was a blissful release. He shouted out in surprise, but before he could frame a thought the source of the heat was pulled away. 

He sat there, gasping, his fingers digging into the wood of the chair. It still burned, still hurt like a bitch. A smile spread across his face. "Thank you."

Lucifer stared at him. He could sense some satisfaction, but Dan wanted more. A lot more. He set the iron back in the fire to bring it back up to temperature. Grey eyes looked up at him, meeting red without flinching. "Why? What do you desire, really?"

"Punishment. Pain. I deserve all of this, and more. I want to pay for what I've done."

Lucifer took up his weapon again, more slowly this time. Dan could see the tip of it glowing to match his eyes. When it pressed against his chest, he leaned into it embracing the pain. Lucifer moved back, keeping the pressure steady. "Don't do that. You don't want it to go too deep, trust me."

"You're the expert."

"That I am."

The sound Dan made when he put it back in the coals sounded suspiciously like a whimper of disappointment. "Don't worry, Detective Douche, there's plenty more where that came from. I hardly think two strikes is sufficient for your needs."

He spoke with a kind of affection, as if he were promising an extra helping of chocolate cake, and Dan almost laughed. He twisted his fingers under the leather straps and held on. The third flame mark felt exquisite, and by the fourth he was struggling not to be overwhelmed. It would be so easy to get lost in the pain, to give himself over to it, but he wanted to be present in the moment, to feel every part of it. He brought himself back to his breathing, focussed on the pain, examined it. It was a seething knot of agony on one side of his chest. It wasn't constant, but came in waves, like tiny, burning snakes slithering under his skin and biting into him. He swore, again and again, as it went on, each touch adding to the tangle of burning nerve endings. His breath grew ragged, and there was a longer pause. He waited, but his tormenter didn't move. "More," he panted. "I want more."

Lucifer dropped down in front of him, examining his face, examining his work. "You're doing remarkably well. But I want you to take a moment. Have some water." Dan didn't see where the bottle came from, but he took it anyway. It was a relief, a counterpoint to the burning. 

"You're being nice. You're not supposed to be nice."

"Don't misunderstand. There are certain signs that show when you're near breaking point, and I'm paying attention because I don't want this to be over too quickly."

"You're making sure I pace myself?"

"Yes. Because you're quite the masochist, and if I don't keep you in check, you'll do yourself some real damage. If you trust me, let me guide you, we can probably drag this out for at least half an hour before you collapse."

He groaned, a hungry, visceral sound. "Pl- yes!"

And so Lucifer continued. He listened as the curses devolved into screams. They reminded him of the other place. There were souls there too, who enjoyed the pain. It was unusual, but it happened. Sometimes he kept them hidden, as long as he could, secretly feeding off their desire and his ability to satisfy it. But he had to stop before the demons suspected, find a different kind of punishment for them, something that made them truly suffer.

This felt different. Chloe was right, there was an intimacy to it. A part of him was enjoying it, but that didn't bother him as much as he thought it would, because it felt right. Honest. It was more than just punishment, more than just a pain kink. It was Dan, trusting him, giving himself willingly to everything he deserved, everything he desired. Those curses and cries satisfied something on an elemental level, his own need for justice. And Lucifer came to find himself _caring._ It was a matter of pride to do it well, but more than that he wanted to make it memorable for Dan’s sake. He wanted to make it last as long as possible, because it was a rare pleasure and he wasn’t sure if he’d get it again. So he waited a little longer between each brand, making sure Dan had time to catch his breath, making sure he didn’t pass out. When his throat grew sore from screaming, Lucifer made him bite on the strap. He was able to take a few more that way. Still, he could see his strength failing. He returned the iron to the flames, took the strap from his mouth and offered him the water. Dan’s hand was shaking as he reached for it, so Lucifer knelt and helped to guide it to his lips.

“Don’t stop,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I don’t want you to stop.”

“We need to stop soon, Daniel. You can’t take much more of this.”

“I know you don’t want me to beg, so I won’t. But I’m not done. Not yet.”

He took Dan’s face in both hands, searching for some hint of reserves. There was a little, but it wasn’t much. “Two more. I’ll give you two more, but that’s all.”

“Okay. Let’s do it.”

The iron glowed with a red heat. Lucifer’s nostrils filled once more with the smell of fire and ash and seared flesh. He wasn’t in Hell. He was never going back. But, with Daniel, he had a small enough piece of it to remember who he was. He had complete control over the monster within, but it was part of him still. It wouldn’t leave, but he didn’t need it to, not anymore. Tonight, he had learned that there could be a kind of mercy in it.

Dan held his eyes as he made the final mark, a yearning, a release, that washed over both of them, binding them together. He finally let go and fell forward. Lucifer all but dropped the iron and gathered him in his arms, carrying him back inside and laying him on the couch. He quickly grabbed some ice from the bar and wrapped it in a towel, but when he took it back to Dan, the man pushed it aside. “No. No relief.”

“Daniel…”

“No. And don’t even think about offering me any drugs, I won’t take them.”

“Daniel, you’re suffering.”

“I want to suffer, that’s the point.”

Lucifer looked at the swelling cluster of wounds on his chest. It was as large as his spread hand. “At least let me cover it. I don’t want it to get infected. It might end up looking all blotchy.” 

“Okay.”

Lucifer was well prepared. There was a tray of supplies on the glass table. “It will heal quicker if I use a dressing. It will scar better if I just wrap it in cling film.” He held up both options and Dan pointed at the plastic wrap. He winced and grunted as the Devil spread it over the wound and taped it in place.

“Thank you. For all of it.”

“Yes, well.” He patted his hand awkwardly, but Dan grasped it and gripped tightly. “No, really. What you’ve done for me… I know it wasn’t easy, but I appreciate it more than I can say.”

“That’s the thing though. In the end, it was easy. And strangely beautiful.” A moment passed between them, a realisation of the significance of what they had just shared. Lucifer almost leapt up and went straight for his phone. “I should call the Detective. Let her know we’re done, and everything is okay.”

Dan nodded and tried to sit up, but his vision swam and grew dark at the edges. “Maybe not everything. I’m kinda woozy.”

“Don’t move. You’re staying here tonight, and I’m keeping an eye on you.”

He didn’t have any strength left to argue.


	4. We'll Look After You

Chloe walked slowly into the Penthouse, unsure about what she might find there. It wasn’t as bad as she’d expected. Dan was lying on the couch, his boots off and Lucifer’s jacket draped over his bare chest. Lucifer sat near him, holding a glass of scotch. They were both smiling- small, soft smiles, content and familiar. She hadn’t seen Dan this happy in a long time.

“Hey,” she whispered, coming to sit between them. “Everything okay?”

Dan nodded, but winced at even that small movement.

Chloe’s chest tightened in sympathy. “Do I even want to know what happened?”

“Probably not,” he admitted. 

“But we won’t keep it a secret if you do,” Lucifer added.

“Dan, you’re hurt.”

“Yeah. That was the plan.”

"It's a stupid plan. You're an idiot."

"I think that fact is already established. And the preferred term is Douche." He chuckled to himself and then stopped. "Ow."

"Clearly you are in no fit state to be going anywhere tonight. Lucifer, I think we ought to put him in bed. Whatever you've done, it looks like he needs proper rest and he won't get that if he's struggling to get comfy on the sofa."

"I'll have you know that my sofa is exceptionally comfortable."

"Yes, but Dan sprawls when he sleeps and he might fall off."

Lucifer inhaled sharply. Perhaps best not to get him imagining her in bed with her ex. "You might be right." He adjusted the jacket and very carefully placed his arms under Dan's shoulders and knees. "Ready?"

"Yeah." Dan grunted as Lucifer lifted him, biting his lip until he was placed on the bed. He took a deep breath and laid down on his back.

Chloe hovered. "We can take turns sitting with him tonight."

"I can do that. I don't need as much sleep as you."

"But you need some. I've seen what happens when you don't sleep and it wasn't pretty."

"One night is hardly going to stretch me."

“It’s not just one night though, is it? You haven’t been sleeping properly since you got back.”

"Will you two stop bickering over me, please? I really don't want to be the cause of any arguments."

"I'm sorry," Chloe said. "Let's get you properly covered up." Dan tried to stop her as she reached to pull away the jacket but he wasn't fast enough. Her eyes widened and she froze, staring at the mess of red and white lines on his chest. "Oh, crap! Lucifer what have you done?"

"What he needed."

"Who needs this kind of… Dan?"

"Don't be mad at him. He only did what I asked. And if I'd had my way, it would have been worse, but he stopped. He looked after me, Chlo."

"I can't…" she shook her head slowly. It didn't make sense to her, but Lucifer didn't lie. And he would know torment and pain better than anyone. "I can't imagine what would make you want this. Dan, I had no idea things were this bad. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I feel so much better already. Inside, I mean." 

"We should get him some ice," she said to Lucifer.

"I suggested that, but he refused. It will heal, but it will take some time. Right now he's just exhausted. His body has been going into overdrive. Rest will help. By the morning, it will still be sore but he'll have his strength back."

They both sat down on the bed. Chloe took Dan's hand. "Don't let it get this bad again, okay? Talk to someone. Talk to me."

"You weren't here. By the time you got back, it was too hard. I thought I was coping. I wasn't."

"I'm sorry. I should have seen this."

"You had your own stuff to deal with. I get that. And everything got crazy." He looked up at Lucifer. "It still is, I guess. But now we all know, at least. So yeah, none of us has to deal with stuff alone any more."

"What stuff, Dan? What got you to the point you needed to be hurt like this?"

"It started with Charlotte. I was so angry, and I started doing things I shouldn't have. And then the anger mixed with the guilt, and it all… snowballed. I was starting to pick myself up again when I found Hell was real. I completely freaked out, but I was so used to keeping it all in that I just let it fester. All that stuff about conscience and damning yourself. And eventually it all just exploded." 

"And this… did it really help?"

"Yes. I feel like a weight's been lifted. I feel like I can breathe again."

"That's something, then." She lifted the top sheet and folded it over him lightly. "So you think you can sleep?"

"I think I need to try."

"We'll be just out here. If you need anything…"

"I'll call. Thanks Chlo." They stood to leave. "Lucifer?"

"Hmm?" 

"Thanks man. I mean…" It felt like such a dorky thing to say. But how else could he express the feelings of freedom and clarity that were rushing through him? Lucifer had given him everything.

"Don't let sentiment get the better of you. We’ve already had this conversation once. Your gratitude is evident, words are unnecessary."

"Cool." 

They walked back to the other room and Lucifer topped up his glass. Chloe sat down and beckoned him over. "And how are you?" she asked quietly.

"Oh, you know. I'm me," he said with a smile, sitting close enough to stroke her arm.

"Was it difficult?"

"Only in that it came all too easily."

"What does that mean?"

"That I'm still the Devil and I always will be. There's no escape from what I've become. But Daniel showed me tonight that maybe it's not such a bad thing. I felt no remorse about what I'd done, until you saw my handiwork."

"Because it troubled me."

"Quite. I value your opinion very highly Detective, and I don't like the thought of you seeing my darker side."

"You're forgetting, I've seen it. I've seen you, all your faces, dark and light. I'm not going anywhere, Lucifer, I love you. All of you."

"Even the parts that hurt people? Even the parts that enjoy it, just a little, when they really deserve it?"

"Did you enjoy what you did tonight?"

He eyed her thoughtfully before replying. "Yes. It was extremely satisfying. The way he looked at me, like I was his saviour. I've always said I don't desire worship, but his eyes… This wasn't the kind of misplaced, blind faith that I despise. He was a willing supplicant. It's something I've only seen a handful of times in all eternity."

"Is it over, though? Do you want to do it again?"

He drank deeply. "I don't know. It was marvellous, but a repetition might cheapen it, make it less meaningful. I've given him what he needed. I don't want to hurt him just for the fun of it."

"And that's the difference. You don't do it because you enjoy the suffering. You crave justice, same as me. And you've been working within your own system, down there, but now you're here, and you're adapting. You're not cruel. It took me a moment to see it that way, but the way he looks now… I know you did a good thing. I'm glad I chose to trust you on this one."

"My dear Detective," he smiled and cupped her face. She leaned in and kissed him. It was meant to be a gentle kiss, to show her love, but her body betrayed her. The feel of his lips, the fiery scent of him, the joy at having him back at last- she found herself hungering, her tongue moving quickly in his mouth. He pressed back with a tiny moan, hands finding her hips and pulling her onto his lap, reaching up under her shirt. She pulled back with a deep breath and caught his wrists. Wordlessly, she shook her head and gave a meaningful flick of her eyes towards the bedroom.

Lucifer smiled mischievously and touched his cheek to hers so he could whisper in her ear. “I can do it quietly. I promise I won’t make you scream. I can make you come softly, with no more than a breath, and he won’t have the slightest idea. You won’t even have to undress, I’ll just slip one hand into your trousers.”

She shuddered at the thought. “What about you?”

“All I need is to give some pleasure to balance out the pain.” His thumbs teased at the top of her thighs.

She smiled, but shook her head again. “I can’t. At least, not until he’s gone to sleep.”

“Very well," he sighed, but he was content nonetheless. Just being near her was enough. She got off his lap and leaned into his shoulder, twining their fingers together. 

"Do you think he's going to be better now?" he asked.

"Emotionally? Not all at once. We humans need time to get through the big stuff. But he's moving in the right direction. I still don't get how anyone could want to be hurt like that, I don't think I ever will, but he looks peaceful now."

"It's hard to explain. There are so many emotions, and they’re so big and overwhelming. You get an idea in your head that there's an answer, a way to make it all stop. And it works, the physical sensations give you a release, a tangible focus for the hurricane within. You think everything will be all right again, you think you'll cope. But it doesn't always work like that. For some of us, the problems just keep coming back."

"You talk about it like you know."

"Of course I know. I know pain better than anyone. I learned it from my Father's hand. And my brothers and sisters, when they all banded together against me to throw me out. I learned it from demons until I grew strong enough to control them, and from all the souls who came to Hell to be punished for their sins. I learned the lesson so well I did it to myself. What Daniel asked of me is much less than I asked of Maze when she relieved me of my wings that first time. And when they kept coming back… Well." 

She sat up to look him in the face. "Those scars. You did that… voluntarily?"

"With venomous enthusiasm. More than just an act of defiance. There is a place for pain, too."

Chloe took his face in her hands. "I wish I could make everything better."

"You do. You got me out of that place. Literally and figuratively. The last few years with you have been truly tumultuous, but you've given me moments of joy greater than any since I fell. Before that, maybe. I've never had such a friend. Before I met you, the closest thing that I had was Maze, and she was different then. Not as fluffy." He smiled. She laughed. His eyes shone as he touched her hair. "I love you, Chloe Jane Decker. I never thought I could love anyone. That's how much better you make it."

"I love you too, Lucifer.” She kissed him chastely on the cheek. Even then it was hard to let go. She wanted to wrap herself around him, hold him deep inside and love him in the language that he knew best. It could wait. She leaned back onto his chest as he embraced her. He kissed her hair and inhaled her scent.

“Hey, guys?” a call came from the other room.

Chloe stood and led Lucifer by the hand back up the stairs. “Hey. You okay?”

“Sorry. I just… It sounds dumb, but I don’t want to be alone.”

“It’s not dumb,” Chloe assured him. “Like I said, whatever you need. It’s just good to know that you’re going to ask.”

“Yeah. You don’t mind staying? It sounded like you were having a moment.”

“You were listening?” Lucifer asked.

“Trying not to. But, you have no doors.”

“True.” He dipped his head in acknowledgement.

“Dan, you sound croaky,” Chloe said.

He coughed. “Yeah. Throat’s a bit sore.” He lowered his eyes, so she looked at Lucifer in question. He glanced downwards too.

“What aren’t you telling me? No secrets.”

“He screamed,” Lucifer answered softly.

“Until he was hoarse?” She huffed. “Idiots. I’ll get you some water.”

“She still doesn’t get it, does she?” Dan asked.

“No, and I hope she never does.”

“Good point. Me too.”

“But I think she’s coming to accept it, in spite of that.”

Chloe came back with a plastic bottle. “Can you sit up?” He started to move and Lucifer instantly went to help him. Dan would normally have complained that he could do it himself, but Lucifer’s touch was strong and gentle, and it made him feel warm and fuzzy. He took the water and drank. It was cold and soothing. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He didn’t object when Lucifer helped him settle back down.

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this,” Lucifer said carefully, “but you might find sleep easier if we removed your jeans.”

“I don’t know,” Dan smirked. “Can you actually do that and not have sex?”

“As long as it’s you, yes,” was his quick retort. He threw back the sheet and reached for Dan’s belt, but Dan got there first.

“This part I can do myself,” he insisted, and proceeded to do so. Lucifer still took over when he got them as far as his knees, and then folded them and laid them on the chair. He then rearranged things so that Dan was properly under the sheet.

“Is it weird if I lie down next to him?” Chloe asked Lucifer.

“Not if I stay too. The bed is plenty big enough for three. Even if one of them is a sprawler.”

"Because of course it would be," Dan sighed.

Chloe wisely decided not to go anywhere near that particular conversation and lay down, leaving a foot of space between them. Lucifer curled up close beside her.

Dan wasn’t quite ready to sleep straight away. "You think Trixie's having fun with Maze?" he asked, just for the sake of easy conversation.

She smiled. "I bet she's staying up late, eating way too much sugar, and will probably be unrousable until noon."

"That's good. Although if we sleep now, we'll be up earlier."

"You're sleeping now," Lucifer corrected. "We're merely keeping you company. It's not even midnight yet."

Chloe's hand moved near the wrapping on his chest without touching. "How does it feel?"

He took her hand and rested it on his belly. "It still hurts, but not as much as I expected it would."

"That's because I burnt away several nerve endings. They'll grow back in a few days and you'll know about it. You'll still be able to work. Probably best to skip the gym for a while though."

"How long until it heals?"

"To heal fully, could be a year or more. But perhaps a month before the scabs come off and it starts to look like skin again. You can of course pick the scabs of if you want it to scar more, but it's sizeable, and it would take effort to make sure it came out even."

Chloe closed her eyes. "I can't believe you're talking about this like he's just got a new haircut. This is a scar for life, right?"

"Yes. An important one. To keep my conscience clear."

"Well, you certainly look a lot more peaceful."

"And tired. I don't care if you guys want to talk or anything, but I'm going to try to sleep now."

"Okay," she said, and stroked his hand. "How about a story?"

"Can you still remember all of Room on the Broom?"

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I'll try." His eyes were shut by the time the frog appeared, and his breathing deep and even before the dragon flew away. She finished the story anyway, and let go of his hand.

Lucifer kissed her shoulders and whispered, “I believe this means it’s time for some pleasure.” He went for her button and nipped at her ear.

She shivered at his touch. He was too good. “Back in the other room.” Once she was settled back on his lap, she caught his face and kissed him. He responded tenderly, the touch of his lips light on hers, his tongue barely dipping into her mouth. He ghosted over her jaw and down her neck. It sent thrills down her spine. Lucifer had been hesitant their first time, unsure how to go about it without his powers. They had both quickly discovered it didn't matter. He learned to read her breath, the blush of her skin, the way her body moved against his. And he was overcome with the intensity of their love. It changed everything.

Lucifer knew how to seduce. He knew how to make someone buck and scream, and he knew how to conduct a secret liaison in a dark corner so no one would suspect. So he caressed her now with light fingers, gently nudged her with his nose and teased her with his breath. Slow, that was the key. Nothing sudden or unexpected to make her cry out, giving just enough to make her want more. He waited until her hips were moving in a steady rhythm of their own before he popped open the button and pulled down the zip. His hand snaked into her underwear to find her hot and dripping. She broke away from his kiss in an effort to get enough oxygen. He held it there, unmoving, to let her catch her breath before she gave in to a moan. When she started to rock against him, he let his fingers begin to move, to follow the path he already knew so well. Slow, wide circles over her clit. Brushing back and forth over her opening, but not yet entering. Applying pressure and then releasing. Her breath grew ragged and shallow. He watched her face, waited for her to lock her gaze with his, and then he pressed two fingers inside, feeling inch by inch. He felt the inner muscles contract in response to his touch, then let go only to pull again. He kept it slow but firm, working his fingers steadily, switching between three particular spots that he knew gave her intense pleasure. He couldn't get much depth from this angle and with her still fully dressed, but he didn't need it. His thumb was still circling her cluster of nerves, bringing her closer and closer with each sweep. She was panting almost silently, he could feel the tension building in her thighs, in the way she tightened her grip in his hair, in the way she tightened over his fingers. At last, she shuddered, curled and stretched as he teased her sensitive places, drawing it out as much as he dared without breaking the quiet. He finally let her relax, inhaling and exhaling deeply.

"That's better," he whispered. 

"Hmmm."

"Oh," he grinned, "have I rendered you speechless?"

"Always."

He flicked his thumb over her still throbbing clit and reluctantly withdrew his hand, licking his fingers clean with even more relish than if it were honey. "There's nothing like a good bit of sex for rebuilding my sense of self."

"I'll remember that next time you have an existential crisis."

His smile dropped. "Four syllable words? Have I not done my job properly?"

"You know very well you did it superbly. Stop fishing for compliments. Would you like me to return the favour? I don't want to be in debt to the Devil, after all."

"I guarantee you, you don't owe me anything for that one. Seeing you come apart is reward enough."

"What if I want to see you come apart?"

"What about Daniel?"

"He's exhausted, right? Stay quiet and he'll sleep through it."

Dan was indeed exhausted, but the ache in chest kept waking him, and the best he could manage was a light doze. His brain was also doing its best to make sense of the evening, and he hovered somewhere on the edge of dreaming. So when he first heard those quick, shallow breaths, it conjured up images and memories. Only when they were joined by a wet, tapping sound did he realise it wasn't just a dream. He opened his eyes to find the bed empty beside him. He was too sleepy to want much, but there was now a second ache demanding some attention. His hand went down without much thought and he stroked himself lazily, hoping to ease the need enough to go back to sleep. It didn't work. He heard her come, knowing the way she breathed through it. He heard whispering voices, and then more quiet. His ears strained for some sign as to what was happening in the next room, pausing his own movement in an effort to hear. Another wet sound seemed all too loud in the silence, and it was followed by a muffled moan. He recognised that sound too. He moved around on the bed as quietly as he could, wondering if he could catch a quick glance. Just to be sure.

Lucifer was sitting half-way along the couch, fingers twisted in Chloe's hair as her head moved slowly up and down in his lap. Dan gaped, transfixed. He knew he should be looking away, but he also knew he wasn't going to.

And then Lucifer opened his eyes and looked straight at him. With a brief glance down to check she wasn’t looking, he lifted one finger to his lips. _Shush._ His smile was almost an invitation. Clearly Lucifer had no objections to an audience. He could stay just where he was, lying with his head at the foot of the bed, and hold his cock in his hand while he watched the Devil get a blow job from his ex-wife. It was surprisingly tempting. It would be like a live porn show. Lucifer was already breathing a little faster.

But Chloe… She would completely freak out if she found out. And so he turned away. Not because he was worried about getting caught, but because he was trying to make good choices, and that definitely did not include anything that he knew would upset her. He quietly settled back into bed. He could still hear hints of sounds. He still knew what she could do with that tongue. He closed his eyes and resolutely shoved his hands under the pillow and tried to think of anything else. Just when he was considering giving in again, the hushed voices returned. He rolled into his side and moved his knees up to hide the effect it had had on him, in case anyone came in. He pretended to be asleep when he heard footsteps. Chloe, heading to the shower. After a hearty sigh from the other room, a chink of glass and a splash of what he presumed was whisky being poured, Lucifer came over to stand at the top of the steps.

"What the Hell was that, man?" 

"Well, you see, when a Devil and his consort love each other very much…"

"No not that," rolled on to his back. "I get _that._ I mean the other thing. The part with the shhh!" he imitated the gesture, "and the look of temptation."

"Temptation is my job, isn't it?'

"I thought you were retired."

“I am.” Lucifer sat on the opposite side of the bed. “You surprised me, you know. I could see the hunger in your eyes. But then you looked away. I’m still not sure why you would deny yourself like that.”

“Because I knew Chloe wouldn’t want me to do it. That was her moment, with you, and I’m not a part of that.”

“I wasn’t exactly inviting you to join in.”

“No, but it was a private moment. And I shouldn’t have looked as long as I did. Or even at all.”

“But you did.”

“I’m weak. But I’m trying to be stronger.”

Lucifer regarded him thoughtfully. “You really are, aren’t you? I’m impressed. You made a moral judgement, and you stuck with it. You did well.”

“I did?” He felt a warmth in his chest that had nothing to do with the branding.

“Yes. I wouldn’t say if I thought otherwise.” He sipped his drink, but kept his eyes on Dan.

“That means something then.”

“I suppose it does, if you value my opinion. But it was a decision you made for yourself, not for me. Don’t ever do anything just to please or impress me. It generally backfires.” He scoffed. “Especially if it involves goats.”

Dan laughed. “No goats. I promise.” 

Lucifer was still staring at him.

“What?”

“I’m curious. I want to ask you the question. I can still feel you yearning for something, but I don’t know what it is.”

“But you’re not just going to come straight out and do it? Why not?”

“It feels like an invasion of privacy. You know how it works. You might resent me for it.”

“So it’s a consent issue?”

“Yes, when you put it like that.”

Dan ran a hand through his hair. “To be honest, I’ve already bared my soul to you more than I have to anyone else in a very long time. And I don’t think it gets much more personal than what we did tonight. If you want to ask me, you have my consent.”

“What do you desire Daniel?”

His mind groped for words to explain things he wasn't even sure if himself. He had felt a multitude of emotions and needs in the last twenty-four hours alone. He wanted to answer, but there was too much confusion. "I…"

"Tell me. There's one thing, and its a big one. The one thing you desire more than anything else."

As Lucifer held his gaze, Dan's mind began to clear. He discarded several words that didn't quite fit the feeling. He kept searching those dark eyes for the answer until he found it. "Redemption." 

They both stayed statue still, sharing a profound moment of connection, two battered souls resonating in tune with one another. Lucifer was the first to break the trance. "Well, I suppose if it can happen for me, it can happen for anyone."

Dan had an overwhelming urge to hug him. Fortunately, Chloe saved them both from that embarrassment by returning in an oversized dress shirt.

"Wow!" Dan exclaimed. "Reminds me of that birthday."

Lucifer smiled. "Me too. Detective, you have permission to raid my closet whenever you desire. I'm going to slip into something more comfortable and then perhaps we should all try sleeping again." He went out to clean up and find clothes.

Chloe sat beside Dan, leaning against the headboard. "I thought you were asleep?"

"I was. I woke up. I still ache."

"Shall I get you something? There's painkillers under the bar. Or did you already take some? It's been less than four hours since you called."

"No, and no thanks. It might be a rough night, but I can handle it. I need to feel all of it."

"Is that some kind of macho prove to yourself that you're tough kind of thing?"

"Not so much. It's more of a taking my punishment and owning it, making sure I remember so I don't start acting like a douche again, kind of thing."

"Dan, you know you don't really deserve this, don't you?"

He shook his head. "I do. I've done things you don't know about. Things I can't ever tell you. Things that…" His guilt tried to rear its head once more, but he focussed on the ache, and it eased. "Things that I've paid for, now. But I need to make changes from here on out. I need to make better choices, like you said."

She wanted to hold him tightly, but she also didn't want to hurt him anymore. She settled for a reassuring hand on his bicep. "Do you want to talk about what happened tonight?"

"Lucifer was amazing. He did exactly what I needed. It hurt like Hell, which was fitting, I guess, but it was more than that. He helped me see myself as I was. It felt like he was caring for me, even as he was burning me." He picked his lips, and looked at her honestly. "I don't want to get in the way of you guys, I really don't, but… fuck, it was something else. Personal."

"Is this… are you saying you want more?"

"I don't know. I want something. I felt a connection, and I don't want to let go of that. And, shit. I shouldn't be saying this at all. You two have something real, I can see that now. But it's all new, and you're still figuring it out, and here comes your ex with his big muddy boots trampling all over it, raising awkward questions and asking for favours."

"You're more than just my ex, Dan. You're my friend. The father of my child. You're family." She decided that a hand just wasn't going to be enough, so she wiggled down and cuddled his arm. "And you don't have to worry about me and Lucifer. I'm dating _actual Satan._ It was never going to be a straightforward relationship."

As if on cue, Lucifer walked back in a pair of red silk pyjama bottoms. He paused when he saw the two of them curled up together. And although he could command actual demons with a word, the inner demons of insecurity and doubt were not so easily banished. “Do I need to be worried?”

“Don’t be silly. Come on, join in.”

Lucifer climbed in beside her. “This is not how I was expecting tonight to go.”

“We’re not having sex, we’re just sleeping.”

"So, theoretically, if we were going to have a threesome, would you prefer our third to be a man or a woman?"

"Lucifer. We are not having a threesome."

"It's interesting because you say that in exactly the same tone that you used to say that you'd never sleep with me."

"You really are the Devil, aren't you?"

"It's so much more fun now that you know it's all real."

She smiled and shook her head. 

"You're a brave woman, Chlo," Dan pointed out.

"She is. Braver than anyone. It's one of the reasons I love her so much."

Chloe turned to look at him, perplexed. "You're admitting that in front of other people?"

"I don't think Daniel counts as other people."

"I think I should be offended by that," Dan said.

"Don't be. I simply mean that what we did tonight has connected us somehow. I've seen your darkness and you've seen some of mine. I've marked you, permanently. You're people, you're just not _other_ people. Not any more."

"So what, you've adopted me? Or is it more like brothers?"

"Neither. You should know better than to make familial comparisons, they don't sit well with me."

"Sorry. But whatever it is, we can figure it out some other time. My brain is still catching up with my body."

"Try to get some rest," Chloe said. "Even if you can't sleep. We'll be right here beside you."

"That means a lot." He tried to blink away the tears, but a couple of the escaped. She wiped them away with a sleeve that was too long for her arm.

"It will be okay. It will get better now. We'll look after you."

He nodded and closed his eyes. And for the first time in almost a year, he thought of tomorrow with hope.


	5. An arrangement

Dan only managed about an hour’s sleep before he woke up again. Chloe was beside him, getting spooned by Lucifer. Their presence was comforting. The feeling in his chest was nothing more than a low-key ache, but his mind was screaming at him. What had he done? This was crazy. No sane person hurts themselves like this. Accusations and doubts poured over him, like the morning of regret after a drunken night before. He felt empty, and a sob escaped his sore throat. Chloe instantly opened her eyes and reached out to him. He rolled towards her and she held him, carefully avoiding his wounds. With her arms around her, there was no holding back, and he cried, softly at first but then loud and messy as the floodgates opened. 

Lucifer sat up. “What’s wrong? I thought I fixed him?”

“It’s okay. He’s finally let go. He’s grieving.”

“How can I help?” Usually if this happened (and it sometimes did after really good sex) he would offer more alcohol or high-quality drugs. For some reason he knew that’s not what Dan needed.

“Get me some Kleenex and then go round and hug him on the other side.”

Lucifer did just that. Chloe pulled out a few tissues and offered them to Dan. He took them and held them over his face as Lucifer got into bed behind him. There wasn’t enough room for him to roll away and escape. Chloe put a hand behind his head and pulled him against her shoulder. Lucifer grew more concerned as he let out a muffled wail. “Just hold him. Let him know you’re here.”

He placed his hands on shaking shoulders, feeling awkward, his body confused by the feel of Dan’s naked back against his chest. He shifted his hips back out the way before they got the wrong idea, but let his fingers trail with soft caresses. It might not have been completely appropriate, but it was the only kind of comfort he knew. Chloe was stroking her own fingers through his hair, so maybe he wasn’t that far off.

Nobody spoke for a while, they just kept holding him as the sobs got worse and then began to subside. Eventually, when Dan’s breathing had returned almost back to normal, Chloe let go and moved over, and Dan shifted into the middle of the bed so Lucifer had a bit more room. She handed him another bunch of Kleenex and he wiped his face. “Shit, guys, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” Chloe said. “It’s okay, clearly you needed that. I’m just glad we were here.”

“Me too.”

“Would someone please explain to me what just happened?” Lucifer asked. “It wasn’t because of… you know… was it?”

Dan huffed. “Yes and no. I mean, I wasn’t crying because you hurt me, but I think it unlocked a bunch of emotions I’ve been holding onto too long. It felt good to let it all out. And having you both here helped a lot too. Made me feel safe.”

“You are safer here in my Penthouse than anywhere. You’re under my protection now, just like Chloe.”

Dan almost asked if he meant it, but one look at his face, and he knew he was serious. “Good to know.”

Lucifer hooked one arm under the pillow and let the other rest over Dan’s belly. It seemed totally natural to do so, under the circumstances, and neither of them gave it a second thought. Chloe did. She examined what it might mean from every possible angle, and eventually decided that it could just be Lucifer’s default response to someone in his bed. And she knew, deep down, that there was no reason to be jealous. His love for her was the hugest thing she’d ever known, and no matter what complications came up from looking after Dan, nothing would ever get in the way of that again. Besides, the touch was so casual, so totally lacking in sexual tension, she decided that it couldn’t be a threat. It was a simple expression of their closeness, the new bond that they had formed. It was all fine. Her brain questioned and reached the same conclusion about half a dozen times before she eventually fell back asleep.

Dan awoke for a second time that night with a pain in his side. He couldn’t work out what was causing it at first, and just breathed, enjoying the sensation. So, he noted to himself, was this to be an ongoing thing? He thought last night would have got it all out of his system, but perhaps Lucifer was right, and he had become some kind of masochist. When he looked down, he saw perfectly manicured fingers gripping his waist. They were white with tension, pinching and digging into his flesh. He turned to see Lucifer’s face, still sleeping but creased with a strong emotion he couldn’t quite read. Guilt washed over Dan as he realised he’d been enjoying the effects of his nightmare. He took his shoulder and shook him lightly. Lucifer growled, and strange words spilled out of his mouth in a low rumble. Dan shook him a little harder. “Hey, buddy, wake up, you’re having a nightmare.”

He sat up quickly, with a snarl, his eyes wide and flaming crimson. Dan felt a wave of heat in his chest as the sight evoked the memory. He propped himself up on one elbow and met the Devil’s gaze. Lucifer was trembling.

“It’s okay. It was just a just a dream,” he assured him softly. “You wanna tell me about it?”

Lucifer lay back down, staring at his reflection on the ceiling. “I was a monster,” he breathed. He was still shaking. Dan put a hand on his nearest arm, rubbing it to soothe him.

“That’s okay. We all have a bit of a monster in us sometimes. Yours just had a bit more time to grow.”

“Not her.”

Dan scoffed. “You didn’t see our fights. I swear sometimes I could see steam coming out of her ears.”

“I did things. I hurt people. I’ve even killed.”

“Me too. Maybe not so directly, but I’ve got blood on my hands. You know that. I’m not saying it doesn’t matter, it does- but we can’t change it. The only thing we can do is move on. Try to be better.” He smirked. “Use our powers for good, like Charlotte did.”

“I don’t know if I can leave Hell behind. I’m trying, but…”

“I’m not saying you should forget. That stuff’s huge, and it’s what made you who you are. You can take it up when you need it, use it, and let it go again. It’s a part of you, but it doesn’t have to control you.”

Lucifer looked back at him. “You mean like tonight?”

“Tonight was…” he sighed. “Tonight was awesome. And beautiful. One of the most intense things I’ve ever experienced and I'm not embarrassed to say that to you. You shouldn't feel bad about it either."

"I don't. I mean, I know I did the right thing. And, if we're being frank, I enjoyed it too. But what if…"

"If what?"

"If it tries to take over again? What if the monster gets loose?"

"Then we deal with it. Together. All of us. But Lucifer, I don't think it will. Everything we go through makes us stronger. You survived ruling Hell. That pretty much makes you the strongest person I know. And yes, before you ask, I'm including your brother in that. But you talk about the monster as if it were a separate thing, living inside you that you have to keep caged. But it's just another part of you. Like your sense of justice, or your stupid humour, or your love of music."

"My humour's not stupid."

"You're strong. You're fierce. You have freaky red eyes that can scare the shit out of people, although strangely for some reason I now find those comforting." _Stop talking, Dan, you're starting to sound like a Devil groupie._ "That's just who you are. It's what you choose to do with it that will be judged as good or evil."

"We are all our own judge."

"Exactly. So learn from your mistakes, and you have nothing to fear."

"Where did you get all this insight?"

He looked down. "Charlotte used to have nightmares too. About guilt, worrying she could never be good enough. We talked about it a lot. When she was gone, it made me want to give up. But then it all turned out to be real, and I've been thinking about it again recently."

"Is that part of why you asked for me to punish you?"

"It's one part."

"What if… what if I get the itch again? What if i just want to hurt someone?"

"Then you come to me."

"And you'll talk me out of it?"

"No." He swallowed. "No, I don't think I would."

"You're saying you want more?"

Dan, unfortunately, chose that moment to look straight at him, and the question burned through his defenses. "Of course I want more. It was so good. You were so good. I want you to hurt me again and again, in whatever ways you can-"

Lucifer looked away quickly, hoping it would stop him talking before he said too much. It did. But he still felt the desire. It tugged at him.

Dan flipped down onto his back. "Shit. I'm sorry, man. I shouldn't have-"

Lucifer pinched his arm. Hard. Dan shivered and gasped. Neither said anything. Dan closed his eyes and Lucifer stroked the tiny, pink bruise. 

"I won't do anything to jeopardise my relationship with Chloe," he said at last.

"I know."

"However. I do hope we can come to some kind of an arrangement."

"We should talk to her in the morning. You're right, this is not a thing to do behind her back."

"No." He ran his thumb over Dan's arm, feeling something. It wasn't a sexual kind of lust, but the need was there. He curled his fingers until his nails touched skin, lightly, questioning. Dan kept his eyes closed, but nodded just barely. Lucifer pressed and squeezed, not enough to break the skin, but enough for it to sting a little. He watched Dan's chest expand, watched him breathe out slowly, and then dug his nails a bit harder. There was the gasp, the twitch of lips, the thrill. He held it, just a moment longer, in case this was to be the last time. Then he released him.

Dan smiled at him, softly, with such satisfaction. Lucifer stroked over the marks again. "We'll talk. I'll make sure she understands."

Dan nodded silently. He tilted his head towards Lucifer's shoulder, not exactly touching, just wanting to be close, and they both went back to sleep.

Chloe insisted on giving him a proper bandage the next morning. She got a bowl of boiled water, which she’d left to cool, and a clean wash-cloth. The tray of first aid supplies was still there from the night before. He sat on the sofa, and she knelt in front of him. She peeled off the plastic wrap carefully, her stomach turning at the mess that had oozed out of the wound overnight.

“You should let me do that,” Lucifer said over her shoulder. 

“Why? You think I can’t handle it?”

“I’m sure you’re very capable. I just feel that it’s my responsibility.”

“We’re in this together, love. Cleaning up your mess is what I do.”

“Don’t,” Dan said. “If this is going to make you guys fight, I’m going right now.”

“I’m sorry, Dan,” Chloe said. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just don’t like seeing you hurt.”

“Some kinds of pain are good,” he said. 

She dipped the cloth and wiped him carefully. The burns were white; the surrounding skin was red and inflamed. He winced. The brand was made up of so many small lines, and the healthy nerves at its edges were passing on messages of complaint. Her eyes flicked up to his face, and he tried not to let the pleasure show. Because that would be weird, coming from her. He wished she would Lucifer do it. He looked up at the Devil, trying not to want, trying to resist the pull of him. It worked until those brown eyes met his own. He turned away, flushed.

Chloe stopped and looked at each of them. “Come on. What’s going on? You’re acting weird, both of you.”

“You asked me last night if this was something I wanted to do again,” Lucifer stated.

“Somehow I get the feeling your answer has changed from maybe to yes.”

“You have good instincts.”

“Dan?”

He nodded, afraid of what he might say if he spoke out loud. She put down the cloth and sat back. “What exactly are we talking about here? Is Dan going to be your whipping boy?” Nobody missed the way Dan’s breath caught at the words, but they all ignored it.

“I need… No, not need. I want. I want to feel the way that I feel when he looks at me.”

"And you can't get that from me?" Her voice cracked a little.

"Detective, you are everything to me. You make me feel things I never believed I would have. You know how much you mean to me."

"I know." She glanced at the ceiling and shook her head. 

"But this… it feels right. I don’t want to stop being who I am with you, but it’s not the complete picture. I learned that I can’t split my half, pretend that I’m one thing or the other. You said you’ve seen all my faces, I know that you have come to accept all of me, you’ve gone above and beyond to prove that. I also know that you’re less comfortable with this part, and I have no complaints about that. If the answer is no, then it stops, right here, right now, you have my word.”

“It scares me, is all. I mean, what if it starts with this, and it ends up back at drugs and orgies? What if it turns out, I’m just not enough for you? In spite of how much you love me? How much of myself am I going to have to give up to be with you?”

“I don’t want you to be anything other than who you are right now.”

“But I’m not like Eve, Lucifer. I can’t sit there and watch you make out with half a dozen other people.”

“You won’t have to. The only one I want to be with is you.”

“Except that’s not true. Because you also want to be with him.”

“Hey, Chloe, that’s not what’s going on here,” Dan said.

“Isn’t it? I mean it’s not sex, but it’s more than just good friends. I woke to the two of you snuggling. Full on, hair sniffing, limbs entangled, _snuggling._ And up until last month, you hated each other.”

They remained silent, neither of them denying it.

“And the worst part of it was, you both looked so disgustingly happy. And peaceful. And I can’t possibly deny that feeling to the people I care so much about.”

“I’m disgustingly happy with you too, Detective.”

“I know. Which is why it would be ridiculously selfish of me to say no. I want you to be happy, Lucifer, but it would be unfair to say that you’re only allowed to be happy with me. And if you can make Dan happy, too, that’s even better. But there has to be limits.”

“I believe we can work with that.”

“Yeah. Sure we can.”

“Good. It can’t be all the time. Once a month, maybe. And no biting. Nothing sexual. Lucifer, I presume you know exactly how much pain he can take?”

“I do. I won’t do him any permanent damage. No more scars, at least not without another conversation first.”

“Okay. And if, at any point, either of you start to feel that it’s becoming more of a- I dunno, ‘boyfriends’ thing, then we all need to have another conversation.”

“I promise,” Lucifer agreed.

“Me too.”

“I don’t know yet whether to let you sleep over. I’ll think about it. You, Dan Espinoza, have to agree to be taken care of properly afterwards. And I reserve the right to come up with more rules if I think of anything.”

"That all sounds very reasonable," Lucifer said. "Daniel, can you agree to her terms?"

"Absolutely," he said, a bit too eagerly.

"Then I believe we have a deal, Detectives."

"No. He doesn't get to be Detective, _I'm_ Detective."

Lucifer smiled. "You are. I'm sorry. Now do you want to finish wrapping him up, or shall I?"

"How about we do it together?" She picked up a large sterile pad from the tray, and handed him the tape.

"I'd say that's an excellent plan."

Dan smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's your lot... for now. I will keep adding to this series as I get more "episodes" out of my brain and onto the screen. It may be a few weeks before the next one- I'd like to wait until the prequel is posted and then I can get into a bit more detail about what's happened in between s4 and where we are now. When that happens, I will re-order the series, so this will become part 2 (or maybe 3, depending on how much I want to write Deckerstar smut) so don't get confused. But there is still a long way to go with this. Redemption is a journey.

**Author's Note:**

> Always big thank yous to my super beta, FluffyGlitterPantsDragon, for sharing ships and my strange and unique sense of what is funny and what is sexy.


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